saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You took a bar mat shot.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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