So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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