That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
