I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
