i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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