The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
