1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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