She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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