she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
