I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize