hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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