i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm at about main and main street
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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