If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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