He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We have so much sex to catch up on
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
