I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There r osticjed everywhere
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
