Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
