dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
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I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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