why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
