I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
