I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
