I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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