Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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