It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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