dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
