Welp...herpes.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
