saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
