They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize