I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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