Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
