i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
