just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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