why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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