Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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