omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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