i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
