She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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