Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You left your phone here
Wait...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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