i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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