just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
