would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
