i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
