We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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