I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
