I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Drunk is not a location!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
