Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
