I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
