First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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