so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
