is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
