I CAN MOONWALK!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
