I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
