this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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