just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
