Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
