Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
