Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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