Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
