i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
