I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
