Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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