I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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